Masquerade Is On

Horoscope for Sunday, 06 April 2008

2008-04-06T18:36:00.002+08:00

You think you've got this dating thing all figured out. But now someone is about to come along and shake things. You could hold fast to your old ideas, or you can let this newcomer teach you a thing or two. The choice is yours -- but why not see how for yourself what this person has to offer?

Damn sickening... Since not too long ago, I let go one great awesome person in the nastiest way, just because I feel I wasn't good enough.
Would I want another someone to come along and offer me something?
I rather not.
I've hurt one person bad enough and I'm paying the price in my own silence.
Offer me not another soul who I know would fail in comparison to that young fool.

Alone

2008-04-06T15:01:00.002+08:00

I'm on solo-mode... I guess its better being alone.

Everyone else can just make-merry elsewhere but around me.

I don't have to fit in, I don't have to be well-liked.

Hate me all you want, or merely pretend to like me,

or as always, pretend to care.

I don't need it all. Good, done deal!!!

Migraine is a real pain... I wish I'm dead!

~ utopian dream ~

2008-04-04T21:29:00.004+08:00

You do something to me that I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if i said...

I miss you.

I always think we look great together... Damn. But I'm beginning to know we are better off apart..

Still feel very much connected, but we are both moving on with our lives. Separately.

So those who think that we might just end up together again, well, No.

Though we find, comfort, strength and joy with each other..... what we gained most is the ability to slowly put the past behind us and gradually find the closure we had seeked for all these years.

The possibility of having someone new....

I pray he finds someone deserving for his amazing heart....

& I pray I find I'll find peace in my heart....

Through time, we grow and we learn.

Our memories will always bring a smile in my heart... And he will always be there...

1, 2, 3 hand squeezes.. always

With You

2008-03-18T21:06:00.000+08:00

Yeah
There's something in your ways
That makes me wanna stay here for a thousand years
So just cry your fears, yeah
I need you everyday
Inside you I just want to wipe away your fears
So just cry your tears, yeah

And I wish, I was, in you

If I stay, well than your tears will set you free
If I stay right here, and forever with you
Everything I feel for you
Is everything I want to stay with you
If I stay right here, and forever with you

My eyes
My eyes

This is tearing me apart
I wish I could be in your soft arms
Feel you again
Anytime I feel like I'm too far
I will try to remember all ours and
Your memories I know

I wish, I was, in you

If I stay, well than your tears will set you free
If I stay right here, and forever with you
Everything I feel for you
Is everything I want to stay with you
If I stay right here, and forever with you

My eyes, my eyes
My eyes, my eyes

- Ill Nino

2008-02-17T12:52:00.002+08:00

From the end of January til now, it's been an awful rollercoaster ride of emotions.

I might be making a big mistake for letting go of something so good & I might be the silliest girl alive just trying to believe in the word "HOPE"... just holding on.

What did I get myself out of?

What did I choose to get myself into?

When this crazy episode is said & done... I wonder...

If it was all worth it?

Please Remember

2008-02-02T02:29:00.000+08:00

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
When time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We leave behind a life and time we'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
And remember Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
When time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me

And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast, we ran so free
I had you and you had me
Please remember, please remember

- Leann Rimes

He said.... You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry

But why??

LET THE ENEMY ENTER

2008-01-25T11:35:00.000+08:00

It is best to open our doors and permit our fears to enter so that they can be destroyed, otherwise, they will always remain outside placing us under siege.

Way Back Into Love

2008-01-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

[Drew:]
I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleepin' with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

[Hugh:]
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
Ive been setting aside time, to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

[chorus:]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
ohh

[Drew:]
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

[Hugh:]
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

[chorus:]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart again
I guess I'm hopin' you'll be there for me in the end

[Drew:]
There are moments when I don't know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

[chorus:]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to you
I'm hopin' you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for you in the end

2008-01-21T08:43:00.000+08:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first! sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at any one's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone!!

P.S. I'm bored!

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

2008-01-21T08:35:00.000+08:00

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Something to chase away my Monday blues....

Past midnight..

2008-01-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

Trying to catch some sleep, but it's been a real bit*h!

I'm saying hi, hello to a.m. shifts again after a week of p.m. Trust me, the crossing back over is a pain in my cute butt cheeks... Hateful!! I can't sleep lah, and like hell the stupid alarm is gonna ring at 3plus...

No more cabs for me please, I have to catch the darn transport. I'll be making myself a poor gal and cab drivers richer if i hop into a darn cab, ever again.

Ever again, will happen, just not during midnight charge or peak periods. Ok.

The head is still a lil' mess up, still a very very last year story... something pretty much usual in my daily life.

It's 2008.. I need a change. Throw out the bad, possibly bring in the good, the old, the new.

I have the lamest idea ever in my head, a swimming thought, argh.. silly thoughts.

I think I better hit the sack... Class 95 might put me to sleep...

Maybe, not tonight.

Que es inutil, que siempre te amare

2008-01-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

~ that it is useless, that I will always love you ~

Aunque en el futuro... Haya un muro enorme... Yo no tengo miedo... Quiero enamorarme
though in the future... there will be an enormous wall... I am not scared... I want to fall in love with you

Was awoken by the ringing of my hp. Private Number calling.

It's the 28yr old boy. *sigh.

He seems disturbed. I know him, his voice gave him away. Ah, the troubled soul. Took awhile for him to tell me what's bothering him.

In some ways, we are both in the same boat.

It's funny how when you've loved someone so much, trying to get back into the whole love game gets harder, its true, if you can't give your 100%, don't force yourself to receive love if you can't give love.

Both of us with this mindset. Weird.

Twenty Zero Eight

2008-01-04T02:52:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year. (Booo... I'm 4 days late...)

It's a brand new year, again. Another 365 days of last year, this year.

Resolution? I'm not making a list, but I hope to make mistakes that I'll only laugh about later, and seriously, I want to stop making mistakes that I'll regret for a long long long time thereafter.
Let's just pray '08 would be a better one, for me, for you, for us all.

It's Mr. Capricorn's birthday and I think I'm pmsing now. oh bummer....

Besame Mucho - Kiss Me A Lot

2008-01-03T12:38:00.000+08:00

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Como si fuera esta noche
As if tonight was
La última vez
the last time.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después
To lose you again.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Como si fuera esta noche
As if tonight was
La última vez
the last time.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después
To lose you again.

Quiero tenerte muy cerca
I want to have you very close
Mirarme en tus ojos
To see myself in your eyes,
Verte junto a mi
To see you next to me,
Piensa que tal ves mañana
Think that perhaps tomorrow
Yo ya estaré lejos
I already will be far,
Muy lejos de ti
very far from you.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Como si fuera esta noche
As if tonight was
La última vez
the last time.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después
To lose you again.

Bésame, bésame mucho
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después
To lose you again.

Que tengo miedo a perderte
Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después
To lose you again.

2007-12-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

Feeling sooo mess up...

Hey

2007-12-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

I am, totally unworthy...

why can't you just believe this awful truth?

Kenangan Terindah

2007-12-10T22:00:00.000+08:00

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang t'lah hilang
Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku mampu
Untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

ohhh..........

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang t'lah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Darimu kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

- Samsons

P.S. This songs makes me go weak...

Rainy Monday

2007-12-10T21:10:00.000+08:00

Sorry if the song that's currently playing on my blog is crappy. I tried to find a decently nicer version but failed and this acoustic version is the ONE & ONLY available, and I just have to listen to it.

Yeah, yeah... I love ballads by Richard Marx, so what? Sappy love songs... argh.

It's been raining almost everyday, its so frustrating... I wanna go out to town, walk around, just indulge in the plain Christmas atmosphere.

Hahahaha... I'm lying, I just wanna go out and not coup myself up at home. I need a life dammit.

It had been 57 days since I heard his voice... Hearing it again yesterday, just made my day. We spoke briefly, just catching up on the casual happenings, like work, family etc. The only reason he called was caused he stumbled onto his 27th birthday card that I gave him (which was more than 11 months ago) in his cupboard. It's still unread. He thought of me and decide to call. He said that it might have been awkward after what happened the last time we spoke on Eid. But, I just told him, it's OK.

I smile every time when I think of him, my sweetest memories. I won't lie but I do think of him everyday. I do.

I am fully aware that there isn't a glimpse of hope of us being together again, but his memories are the ones I cherish most and since I can't have him, I can only pray that he gets the best in his life, he truly deserve it. He's no doubt an amazing man, but with a very complicated life.

As for me, I just can't find myself falling in love again. For now, I'm just glad to be alone.

Out there lies a really nice guy whose feelings I can't reciprocate. And it's killing me inside, slowly. I just don't feel that I'm the right one for him, he deserves a lot better. But why can't he see it? Is he really blind? Perhaps it's just an infatuation and he'll get over this crazy feelings. I hope he does, for I can't bear to hurt a friend.

It's funny how life deal us with issues that we are incapable of handling. Affairs of the heart, that's messy and I don't wanna mess up my life again.

Once, twice, three times a fool. I can't fall again, I fear I might never be able to pick myself up again. I'm so scared.

For now, solo is good. Perhaps for a long time even.

Can you stop wasting your time now?

Until I find You Again

2007-12-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

Lately I've been trying
To fill up my days since you're gone
The speed of love is blinding
And I didn't know how to hold on

My mind won't clear
I'm out of tears
My heart's got no room left inside

How many dreams will end
How long can I pretend
How many times will love pass me by
Until I find you again

Will the arms of hope surround me
Will time be a fair weather friend
Should I call out to angels
Or just drink myself sober again

Can't hide it, it's true
I still burn for you
Your memory just won't let me go

How many dreams will end
How long can I pretend
How many times will love pass me by
Until I find you again

I'd hold you tighter
Closer than ever before
Yeah
No flame would burn brighter
If I could touch you once more
Hold you once more

How many dreams will end
How long can I pretend
How many times will love pass me by
Until I find you again

Until I find you

Again

- Richard Marx

Horoscope for Monday 10 December

2007-12-10T16:56:00.000+08:00

Dreams of a lover could come to you tonight. This could be a past, current or future partner, or perhaps someone you have your eye on. While these dreams could be prophetic, chances are they're just trying to get your attention. How do you really feel about this person? Are your dreams revealing something you should know? Do the dreams reflect your fears? Write the symbols down and try to analyze what they mean. Then think about it!

Now, this is so interesting... I can't wait to sleep tonight. Wonder who will be haunting my dreams.

*ponders

Tong Hua (Fairytale)

2007-12-03T03:02:00.000+08:00

Wang Le You Duo Jiu Zai Mei Ting Dao Ni
I've forgotten how long it has been since I heard from you again
Dui Wo Shuo Ni Zui Ai De Gu Shi
telling me the story that you loved the most
Wo Xiang Le Hen Jiu Wo Kai Shi Huang Le
I thought about it for a very long time, I started to panic
Shi Bu Shi Wo You Zuo Cuo Le Shen Me
Is it because I did something wrong again?

Ni Ku Zhao Dui Wo Shuo Tong Hua Li Du Shi Pian Ren De
With tears in your eyes, you told me that fairytales are all lies
Wo Bu Ke Neng Shi Ni De Wang Zi
There is no way that I can be your prince
Ye Xu Ni Bu Hui Dong Cong Ni Shuo Ai Wo Yi Hou
Maybe you will not understand, from the moment that you said you love me
Wo De Tian Kong Xing Xing Dou Liang Le
In my own sky, all the stars are lit

Wo Yuan Bian Cheng Tong Hua Li Ni Ai De Na Ge Tian Shi
I wish I can become the angel in the fairytale that you love
Zhang Kai Shuang Shou Bian Cheng Chi Bang Shou Hu Ni
Open up both of my hands and turn them into wings to guard you
Ni Yao Xiang Xin
You have to believe
Xiang Xin Wo Men Hui Xiang Tong Hua Gu Shi Li
Believe that we will be like the ones in the fairytale
Xing Fu He Kuai Le Shi Jie Ju
That felicity and happiness are the ending

Ni Ku Zhao Dui Wo Shuo Tong Hua Li Du Shi Pian Ren De
With tears in your eyes, you told me that fairytales are all lies
Wo Bu Ke Neng Shi Ni De Wang Zi
There is no way that I can be your prince
Ye Xu Ni Bu Hui Dong Cong Ni Shuo Ai Wo Yi Hou
Maybe you will not understand, from the moment that you said you love me
Wo De Tian Kong Xing Xing Dou Liang Le
In my own sky, all the stars are lit

Wo Yuan Bian Cheng Tong Hua Li Ni Ai De Na Ge Tian Shi
I wish I can become the angel in the fairytale that you love
Zhang Kai Shuang Shou Bian Cheng Chi Bang Shou Hu Ni
Open up both of my hands and turn them into wings to guard you
Ni Yao Xiang Xin
You have to believe
Xiang Xin Wo Men Hui Xiang Tong Hua Gu Shi Li
Believe that we will be like the ones in the fairytale
Xing Fu He Kuai Le Shi Jie Ju
That felicity and happiness are the ending

Wo Yuan Bian Cheng Tong Hua Li Ni Ai De Na Ge Tian Shi
I wish I can become the angel in the fairytale that you love
Zhang Kai Shuang Shou Bian Cheng Chi Bang Shou Hu Ni
Open up both of my hands and turn them into wings to guard you
Ni Yao Xiang Xin
You have to believe
Xiang Xin Wo Men Hui Xiang Tong Hua Gu Shi Li
Believe that we will be like the ones in the fairytale
Xing Fu He Kuai Le Shi Jie Ju
That felicity and happiness are the ending

Wo Hui Bian Cheng Tong Hua Li Ni Ai De Na Ge Tian Shi
I will become the angel in the fairytale that you love
Zhang Kai Shuang Shou Bian Cheng Chi Bang Shou Hu Ni
Open up both of my hands and turn them into wings to guard you
Ni Yao Xiang Xin
You have to believe
Xiang Xin Wo Men Hui Xiang Tong Hua Gu Shi Li
Believe that we will be like the ones in the fairytale
Xing Fu He Kuai Le Shi Jie Ju
That felicity and happiness are the ending

Yi Qi Xie Wo Men De Jie Ju
Let us write our own ending

The First Cut Is The Deepest

2007-11-24T10:56:00.000+08:00

I would've given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin me, he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cause if you want I'll try to love again (tryy)
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest Baby I know
the first cut is the deepest
but when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin' me, he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin me he's worst

The first cut is the deepest baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again

- Sheryl Crow

Horoscope for Sunday 18 November

2007-11-18T14:15:00.000+08:00

To say that you're somewhat upset is an understatement. It's time to face the truth: You're in a crisis. You're wondering whether you're capable of doing anything in this world. Are you totally helpless? That's quite a profound question, and it's keeping you up at night right now. Of course you're capable! That's obvious, at least to other people. Perhaps the problem is not you, but the goals you've set for yourself...

yeah.. it's empty alright.

2007-11-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

hollow (EMPTY) ; an adjective
having a hole or empty space inside

Best friend, you win. Hollow is empty.

Guess we are both hollow.

*sigh

Damage To My Soul

2007-11-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

Damage to my soul
Can never be erased
The frown upon my face
Can never be erased
Letting this depression become a part of me
It will always be right here
Inside this twisted mind
I've become numb to everything
that's come my way
Except this pain
That stays so deep within
Damage to my soul
Can never be erased
Awaiting my fate
May take forever
But I'm willing to wait
if it means the pain
Will go away.

Keeping it real...

2007-11-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

I can't believe how things around me be revolving. At a speed that I need to take a breather and perhaps enjoy the moment. But I don't. And damn, I'm scared.

I over-think. I over-worry. Can't I just live in the moment?

Fear. Fear. Fear.

Why do I fear so much? What do I fear? Who do I fear? Myself?

Many things running through this little head of mine, and no one can really understand me. No one. At least whenever some tries, I keep shutting them out. Hurt me and I'll throw you out.

Truth is, I'm better off alone. Or at least that's what I think.

Don't want to lead nobody on. Don't want to hurt nobody. Most importantly, there ain't no way am I gonna get hurt!

Am I too selfish for not letting one in?

I fear I won't be able to match up to expectations. Fear I ain't good enough. Fear of hurt.

I don't want to be just another time-waster to you...

If I am, its time you walk away...

If I'm not, there's nothing I can reassure you...

I promise you nothing and I expect nothing too.

Death of Dreams

2007-11-12T11:09:00.001+08:00

I watched all my dreams fall into a river,
Watching them drown, made me quiver..

I watched all that i miss, fall into the abyss.
Without bliss, I was left with nothing more to reminisce.

I watched all that i love, fall from the sky,
Unable to catch them, i felt i should die.

I watched all that is me, drown in the sea.
I watched everything sink into eternity.

2007-11-04T22:46:00.000+08:00

Love is a funny thing.....its never appreciated until its gone....it never has value until someone has it......and just when you decided to give up on it....it finds you a again...

But.. she's scared as ever...

Rather Not..

2007-11-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

I rather not know. I rather not feel.

Ignorance is a bliss....

Let's play pretence....

Ignorant?

2007-10-31T12:12:00.000+08:00

Am I just too blind to see where it's heading or am I in denial?

And people keep telling me what they see.

I'm too scared to believe.

Nothing last forever and my happiness always get short-lived.

I rather not feel, really.

Perhaps I should just stay away.

*she starts running, again*

Swing Swing

2007-10-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Its a full moon.

Re-living my childhood on the swing and letting some sand ran through my feet.

Ahhhh....

Clarity. Peace. Serenity.

I could do with many more of these kinda evenings...

Life's Little Lessons

2007-10-25T22:02:00.000+08:00

"Every thing happens for a reason. Just be patient and in time, those reasons will be answered for you. Sometimes, the big question is (Why, is this happening to me)? The answer to that question is, every day that we wake up, we are gaining incredible knowledge, experience and wisdom. Cherish these moments, hold them close to your heart, for these are the Lessons of Life." - Nancy Olivia Thomas

Horoscope for Thursday, 25 October 2007

2007-10-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

Today you may find yourself wondering about some questions, but it will be hard to put them into words. You're concerned about your emotional security, as it is not very well defined in your life at the moment. However, it will probably be impossible to resolve anything completely today. Wait a few days. Your feelings will be a lot clearer, and the answers to your questions will be all the more obvious to you.

Emotional security?? Answers to questions?

Give me that and I'll smile again...

Horoscope for Tuesday 23rd October

2007-10-23T14:40:00.000+08:00

You are going to have to put up with a great deal of uncertainty that some trouble making stars are infusing into your life. Doubt will take over in your mind and in every aspect of your daily life. Today, even the slightest little problem will seem like a failure to you, the slightest remark like a knife in your back. You won't feel much like talking. Get out and get a breath of fresh air if you don't want your black ideas to get the best of you.

I need to be alone. Something is bothering me... too much!!

In so much misery. Troubling thoughts are a real killer.

I need fresh air, and a listening ear.

Nah, solo is good!

Tears Of A Clown

2007-10-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

Friends ask the question, sometimes twice
with a shrug I give the standard reply
a wink and a smile should suffice
looking at you with poker straight eyes
Words hard to come by, dreading to share
emotions I keep locked deep down inside
not wanting to deceive those who care
by a genetic drawback called pride

So don't let me drag you down
when my heart will not let me tell
of how much I need you around
to pick up pieces of my fragile shell

To show my love would be a daunting task
it is hidden here under the guise
of a haunted soul wearing a clown's mask
with many tears fallen under his eyes.

Sucky Thursday..

2007-10-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

Just one of those days when everything just don't seem right.

Just one of those days when you wish you could just run away from it all.

Just one of those days when you feel utterly disappointed.

Just one of those days when you think out-of-the-box and into some really dark dark area.

Just one of those days when you are afraid to fall.

Just one of those days when your thoughts are passing through but can't get a grip on them.

Just one of those days when you wish it ends quick, but time crawls in misery.

Just one of those days when I thought.....

Don't Judge Me

2007-10-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

Don't judge me
for what you know not
question and seek answer
to what you don't know
don't judge me by my face
it shall deceive you
don't judge me by my cloth
for it will lie to you
judge me by my eye
and it will lead you to my secret

don't judge me by my tongue
for it speaks of only pleasure
don't judge me by my appearance
for its only a mask veiling
whats not true
judge me by my heart
for its the door to real beauty

Eid '05 & Eid '07...dat familiar feeling

2007-10-13T20:38:00.000+08:00

Oh yes.

Over time, things changes, we change.

But some reasons just don't change. It just doesn't.

I remember Eid '05, it was the crappiest one ever. It was filled with so much tears. Only one person was capable of that, Mr. Capricorn.

Now, Eid '07, he's still the reason why I cried buckets today.

He's words, hurt me deeply.

He's doubts, weakens me.

Just makes me feel like I was never good enough for it all.

It's days like this I wish I could turn back time. I really do.

I am what I am today, I've changed, not necessarily for the better. I'm not proud about everything, but I am still the same when I'm with you.

But you just don't trust what you see. You never had.

You judged me, this imperfect human and shoot me down with all your bitterness.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why don't you just kill me?

You're My No.1

2007-10-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

I've kissed the moon a million times
danced with angels in the sky
I've seen snowfall in the summertime
Felt the healing of the powers above

I've seen the world from the highest mountain
Tasted love from the purest fountain
I've seen lips that spark desire
Felt the butterflies a hundred times

I've even seen miracles
I've felt the pain disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

You bring me up when I'm feeling down
You touch me deep you touch me right
You do the things I've never done
You make me wicked you make me wild
Cause baby you're my #1

I've sailed in a perfect dream
I've seen the sun make love to the sea
I've kissed the moon a million times
Danced with angels in the sky

I've even seen miracles
I've seen the tears disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

- Enrique Iglesias

Better off??

2007-10-13T17:56:00.000+08:00

I'm not entitled to those feelings anymore.

Not allowed to think of you, think about us, that once-upon-a-time.

I should let those memories go and let you let go of me.

I can only wait for the day when you'll return me all those things I've given you in those 5 years together. Letters, cards, etc, etc.

And when you finally get rid of them, from the comforts of your room, I know it's time I start letting you go too. It's killing me inside and I'm long dead for having real feelings for anyone.

I can't keep hurting myself by trying to be with anyone else, for deep inside you are still my Number One. Who can replace that?

I won't wanna cheat myself, my feelings and that feeling of whoever gonna come.

I can love no one and I hope it stays that way.

I rather be alone, miserable as I maybe, at least I'm not letting another hurt me.

I'll be fine, and perhaps I'll survive.

But honestly, I'm better off six-feet-under.

2007-10-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

I really am a burden.

Guess I should be dead.

LET ME DIE!!

New Looks?

2007-10-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

I'm desperately seeking new hairdos. Works a bitch cos everyone with long hair HAVE to bun-up 'em hair. How frustrating.

I'm wasting too much time in front of the mirror!! I hate fussing about how my hair looks and you should know by now, I am indeed a perfectionist!!! Every freaking strand of hair has to be in place and trust me there's no such thing as the "perfect-bun". Damn, i wonder how all those flight attendants does it?

I'm not good at it and my only option, to end my endless whining is to simply chop 'em hair off.

It's sad and damn it... But, it'll grow back.. right?

I need some comforting words and please don't tell me to stick it out, bun my hair day in, day out... I can't do it!

Give this shorty some LOVE!

P.S. Which of the 2 pics?

Friday Friday...

2007-10-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

Argh... Crappy crappy...

No medications, horrible tummy cramps and aching back.

I need a super good back rub and painkillers.

Lying in bed won't help much.

On another note, Eid'07 is finally here. Doesn't feel like the festive again. I guess as we aged, festivities loses its novelty. Sad but true. But I look forward to eating all those kuih-muih(s), still your typical fat-kid.

EID MUBARAK everyone!!

Have fun putting back the kilos we've lost over the past month!! hahaha

Horoscope for Tuesday, 09 October

2007-10-09T13:16:00.000+08:00

This is likely to be a busy day for you. You will feel a bit like a social butterfly as you flirt from group to group. Pay special attention to anyone new in your life. All signs are that you are going to meet someone, most likely a man, who will have a tremendous impact on your life. Hmmmm, who do you think it could be? Keep your eyes open for a stranger in your midst!

I've been looking for that man.. where are you?

Kiddin'

The Mystery of Death

2007-10-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

Death is something that can't be explained.

We are each owed a death, at which time it will come or where is a mystery.

Live each day as if it were your last.

Make amends with those you crossed or who crossed you.

Tell that special one in your life that you love them.

Smile at passers by.
Help someone in need.

2007-10-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Because of you I laughed a little harder, cried a little less and smiled a lot for no special reason

Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience; but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy.

Memories

2007-10-09T02:35:00.000+08:00

The bright light shining out my window pane
brings back memories very insane
thinking about me and you
and the stuff we used to do
Those wonderful talks in the dark
it all seems just like yesterday
when we'd go out and play
The crazy summer nights
and silly little fights
your beautiful eyes
like no other guy's
how they'd stare into mine
oh so sweet and divine
at that moment i thought i knew
that i couldn't be without you
you were always there
in my times of despair
the one who'd make me smile
making it all worth while
i loved the way we used to be
and how you used to treat me
then one day
it all went the wrong way
you said you didn't want me anymore
and you simply walked out that door
i didnt know why
you left me there to cry
all of those tears
brought back all of my fears
everything i miss
along with our first kiss
but your gone now
and i have moved on
but that light shining out my window pane
brought back these memories very insane

A Wish...

2007-10-09T02:26:00.000+08:00

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Not A Day Goes By

2007-10-09T02:22:00.001+08:00

Written by daylight, not a soul disappeared -
with a heart for the lost, and rage for the feared.
How long shall she await the day that you come?
Surely it has been too long; where are you from?
Since not a day goes by, time passes slowly
the look within says " you'll never come for me".
Harsh words implanted inside of each blank page,
scribbles of pain from hearts of fear, loss, and rage.
Written by daylight, not a soul disappeared-
with a heart for the lost, and rage for the feared.

How long shall she await the day that you come?
Surely it has been too long; where are you from?
Proven that societies right, a heartless thief,
taking yet, another hopeless life full of grief.
Surely it is not fair to take her away
from the dreams that she lost in her yesterday(s).
For, her dreams were of you and your promises -
a heart of the lost, with fantasies Bliss.
Written by daylight, not a soul disappeared-
with a heart for the lost, and rage for the feared.

Since not a day goes by, time passes slowly
the look within says " you'll never come for me".
Awaiting the thoughts do that torture the brain,
driving a woman of faith, weak and in pain,
to places of satisfaction - evil are you,
to replace thoughts of kindness, tender and true. . .
The last time of asking - how long shall she wait?
Death is on her side, of which you did create:
Written by daylight, not a soul disappeared-
with a heart for the lost, and rage for the feared.

Hate That I Love You

2007-10-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
That's how much I love you (yeah)
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I can't stand ya
Must everything you do
make me wanna smile
Can I not like it for awhile
No..

[Ne-Yo:]
but you won't let me
You upset me girl
then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget
that I was upset
Can't remember what you did

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it

[Rihanna:]
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long, that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so..

[Ne-Yo:]
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I
Love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me..

[Rihanna:]
That's how much I love you
How much I need you
That's how much I need you
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate that I love you sooo...
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)
I can't stand how much I need you (I can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...ooh)
But I just can't let you go (But I just can't let you go, no)
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
And I hate that I love you so.. so..

Raya'04... sweetest memories. Ever.

Irreplaceable.

2007-10-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

I came across a piece of paper with a poem printed on it amidst all my junks while I did my spring cleaning earlier.

I somehow remembered I wrote it on a card for Mr. Capricorn earlier this year and which I blogged about too.

I can't help it but tears just flowed freely... Emotions were raw... Well, click the link below...

You might just feel that emotion come rushing in.

http://indulgeinmypain.blogspot.com/2006/11/its-hard-to-think-of-you.html

Sometimes I wish I could completely let him go, I feel trapped in this emotions that's constantly lingers around his memories. Perhaps, I would like to find the one who'll surpassed him. But that's hardly possible. I'm way too critical...

Remember

2007-09-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

- Christina Rossetti

*hush now...

2007-09-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

I'll hush now, keep quiet and continue my incredible silence.

Silent, while I watch my whole life pass right by me.

I kept thinking of past mistakes. Trust me, a lot of regrets doesn't mean you'll learn, I'm one of the idiots who keeps repeating them.

Bad habits? No, just very bad judgements.

But the goodness in me, can't seem to let those steam off.

I continue to believe in a lot of things, but I stop trusting.

My judgements at least.

damn... i'm emo(ing)

Horoscope for Saturday, 22 September

2007-09-22T21:48:00.000+08:00

A last-minute invitation? Say yes. A different route beckoning? Take it. An unexpected smile coming your way? Return it, with interest -- say hi, too. Are you ready for something and/or someone new?

Interesting reading, no?

Total insignificant, but I'm like whatever.

Even though you're gone

2007-09-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

Cries of pain ringing in my ears,
nothing surrounds me but my fears.
Outside somewhere among the dark,
a Lonely dog begins to bark.
On the streets a car drives past,
how long in the darkness will i last?
The rose i hold, once bright and fine
Slowly withers and starts to die.
Somewhere in the dark a bird starts singing,
a phone elsewhere then starts ringing.
Its time to let go, of all i know.
the World will carry on
even though you're gone.

Time to Think

2007-09-22T00:37:00.000+08:00

As time goes by,
voices saying please don't cry,
try to be strong when you're feeling low,
things will mend one day you know,
each time you're down just try to think,
there have been good times just try and see,
try to think more positively,
all these feelings you have to fight,
its the only way things will be right,
it may take time just don't let go,
but its so very hard you know.

2007-09-17T10:33:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I wish I were a kid again; skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than a broken heart."

I know it's fu*king random.

I can't place a figure on my lingering thoughts.

It's a messed up head up there, GOD knows why.

I just need a good break from humans.

A hiatus would be good. But when, where, how??

2007-09-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

FUCK EVERYTHING!!

Words by Confucius

2007-09-16T22:49:00.000+08:00

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.

Crystal Tears of Insanity

2007-09-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

Tears come ever so slowly
sating my pain in their wake
Upon this night they are falling
my heart fully crushed from the break
Dreams, tattered, tonight now crumble
beneath the weight of the pain
Ever so slowly they tumble
inside of my soul once again.

Hope has gone into hiding
faith lost among tears left to cry
My heart is a vessel residing
among all the wreckage inside.
Crashing upon all the thunder
the ocean of tears come to flood
Pulling my mind ever under
voiding my life of laughter and love.

A prison for all of the aching
inside of my soul there to see
Tarnished, bruised, and forsaking
catch and hold tightly to my sanity.
Ripping through vessels that tarry
inside of my mind and my heart
On wings of death they are carried
shattered pieces of love torn apart.

No place found among all the heartache
no memories cling to the mind
No warmth of a thought in the face
of the love that has fallen behind
Vacant and sated by teardrops
inside of my heart they now churn
Forever silent and faded
memories that are tattered and burnt.

Darkness upon my heart lingers
now calmly caressing my mind
The hands of the clock still ticking
taking away all thoughts left inside.
Slowly I find myself drifting
among all the ashes I see
Demons bound now they are shifting
as I try to hold on to reality.

No heart fills with light come the morning
just emptiness floods in the soul
A darkness has captured the dawning
Leaving me broken and cold
Now vacant eyes stare in the distance
no longer do I feel the pain
Forever subdued of resistance
lost in the plague of insanity's claim

Older.. So what??

2007-09-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

I'm emotional drained out.

26, started on a very low note.

Why?

Mind games.

That vulnerable feelings.

Hate it.

I'm not through with it yet.

Sing For Absolution

2007-09-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die

- Muse

It's all about you, then be you

2007-09-07T13:32:00.000+08:00

Want to grow new, break free of the old.
What's been holding you in is emotions and feelings, let them go.
It's easy to pick yourself up, than it is to carry another on your back.
Instead of you lifting them up; most times, they'll pull you down too.
Some things in your life just can't be fixed.
Know your time to start over new.
Recognize the things you can never change, but discover what about yourself you can.
Break the circle of the past and it's hold on your present
and experience life outside it's boundary.
Find people who lift you up and move around
and away from the ones that hold you down now.
As you do, your personality will change and new opportunities will come to you.
Be what you want to be, not what others expect you to be.
What was fun for you in the past is now become old routine.
Do something different and you'll become different.
Go to new places, met new people, it's never too late to let go.

You Were Mine

2007-09-07T12:52:00.000+08:00

If I never see the light of day
I will know that you are mine
If I never breathe another breath
All of that would be so fine

If I can't open my arms again
And behold anything that's new
Just as long as I lived my entire life
And as long as I have loved you

If I never see the sun again
Or walk in a cool moonlit night
I know that you were mine before
And you kept me in your sight

I have been to heaven in your arms
All the treasures of the world were mine
I have the glory of the Lord forever
And I drank of his sacred wine

You will always be my greatest love
To the very end of time
And I know I will have had heavens best
When you held me and you were mine

If I Woke Up Tomorrow

2007-09-07T12:24:00.000+08:00

If I woke up tomorrow
And the world was upside down
If the sky was green the grass was blue
And nothing made a sound

If the sun slept through the day
And the stars fell from the sky
If the deserts became oceans
And the oceans all ran dry

If the clouds were made of stone
And the earth was made of glass
If music had no melody
And the future was the past

If the mountains turned to wax
And melted with the dawn
If flowers were all grey
And nature’s beauty gone

If I woke up tomorrow
And everything was new
I'd still be sure of one thing
Sure that I loved you

2007-08-08T09:03:00.001+08:00

Fear

2007-08-07T12:27:00.000+08:00

I'm not one to be afraid of another person.

But I'm scared of you.

I fear for myself when you are near.

Now, I'm afraid I'll never be able to be myself, get what I want.

You are holding on to me so tightly that I can't breathe.

Please let me go.

I'm not yours.

I am my own person

Finally..

2007-08-07T10:54:00.000+08:00

Awaken by the sound of drilling.

I wanna sleep and never to awake again.

For my life is heading towards a direction I'm not fully sure of.

Your one hand maybe clapping. But I'm keeping mine to myself.

Why do you hurt me then, now intend to change, make good.

I'm not gonna be a sucker again for empty promises....

I'm through trying to pick the pieces of my life...

You come along... but now you crash it all again.

You've instilled too much fear in me for me to carry this on...

PLEASE LET ME GO!!

Here By Me

2007-07-20T02:10:00.000+08:00

Thoughts drifting away from reality...

I hate the person I've become, the lies I've told. And perhaps the heart I might break...

If only..... years ago... that crazy day in July didn't happen... Where would we be now?

2 years on... somehow, I'm still stuck on you...

I hope you're doing fine up there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can't take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you're not here
I’m sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

x2
And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

- Three Doors Down

I ain't dead

2007-07-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

I ain't dead, so is this blog.

I've just so caught up with alot of things lately.

It's confusing how life is, and I'm trying to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. It's tough though.

On another note, my stupid HP is acting up YET again.

Haiyo!!

confuse soul

2007-06-19T17:48:00.000+08:00

Before I start... please check out that "confused" smiley on the top right hand corner. Cool eh??

Heading on, forward, it's shaky, it's complicated and I"m still as confuse as ever.

It's funny, I find myself drifting to thoughts of Mr. Capricorn, again.

It's not love, I know. It's just a sense of comfort, a sense of ease that I still have. He'll be in my thoughts, almost daily and deep inside, I compare the two. He still come out tops.

I'm evil... a heart should choose.

Finally.. An Update

2007-06-15T12:44:00.001+08:00

oh, perhaps not really.

It's complicated & what's worse, I'm uncertain about a lot of things.

I'm starting to doubt where I am in life, where I stand in certain issues.

I'm starting to doubt my heart.

I see things in so many different perspective that I'm beginning to doubt us.

I want to get away from it all.

Why, is it so complicated?

When you hanged on to certain things, you get pushed away from time to time. But when you let go, finally they understood your resilient but you decided to move away, go all quiet. That infamous "disappearing act".

Now, you said you've changed and I wonder, what if?

I'm not supposed to.

Cos somewhere out there, a person yearns for me more than I him. Loves me than I do him. But, this heart of mine can't seem to focus, can't seem to do good.

I'm afraid, Karma will bite me in the ass.

I just hope & pray I don't end up hurting him.

For now I'm hurting cos I know not what I want and I'm stuck in something I'm having doubts in.

Gosh.

Where is the love???

In Between

2007-06-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what I'm about to say
but trying to be genuine
was harder than it seemed
and somehow i got caught up in between

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what I'm about to say
but trying to be someone else
was harder than it seemed
and somehow i got caught up in between

between my pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you
get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none

let me apologize to begin with
let me apologize for what I'm about to say
but trying to regain your trust
was harder than it seemed
and somehow i got caught up in between

between my pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you
get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none

and i cannot explain to you
in anything i say or do or plan
fear is not afraid of you
but guilt's a language you can understand
i cannot explain to you
in anything i say or do
but hope the actions speak the words they can

for my pride and my promise
for my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you
get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is

pride and my promise
between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
the things i want to say to you
get lost before they come
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none
the only thing that's worse than one is none

- Linkin Park

People I miss

2007-06-01T10:37:00.000+08:00

Here is a list...

1) Bestie
2) Cuzzy
3) My ex-CX mummy
4) Mr. Capricorn
5) that idiotic friend that's on a f**king long hiatus
6) the kiddos...
7) some peeps from the ex-CX family who are now everywhere....boohoo..

So, who miss me??

Irritable Lil' Midget

2007-06-01T10:26:00.000+08:00

I feeling oh-so irritable...

I know I'm actually PMSing but, there's so many things going on that I'm feeling confused. Even my heart is confuse!! Argh.. & that's bad. I trust my heart, my instincts most/some of the times & I feel that those two let me down this time....

I wanna blog a longer post but there's another thing that's bitching to me. A freaking MIGRAINE!!! Just one of those days, it's reaching an all-time high on the pain-o-meter.

He's not making it any better.. Two sick people, two irritable feeling. We got on each others nerves moments ago....

I admit, I've got no patience, I speak my mind, I don't mind hurting someone else, someone who loves me....

Cos, I don't really believe in LOVE no more... I just don't think I do...

And it's breaking my heart, cos I feel that I'm slowly breaking his.....

Can I please run away???

P.S. I'm soooooo damn addicted to Summer Love by Justin Timberlake. Argh... It's freaking hot, HOT, HHHOOTTTTTT!!

I need happy pills. Where can I get them??

In the middle of the night, I'm feeling excited...

2007-05-26T03:15:00.000+08:00

That's what I've been feeling the whole week long. I could hardly keep my excitement under wraps... I'm just soaking up the moments, counting my blessings...

It's amazing how I'm feeling, I want to get lost in this moment, permanently.

But the road ahead isn't gonna be smooth or easy, but I'm confident, we'll build a foundation strong enough to withstand what life might throw at us.

I'm floating on the 9.....

A New Beginning

2007-05-25T08:31:00.001+08:00

Forever etched in my memory...

Ben & Jerry's rocks

2007-05-21T00:18:00.000+08:00

D E S C R I B E Y O U R:

Wallet:
>>- Guess Wallet (it's my mami's) :p

Dream car:
>>- hmmm.. Lexus RX300... or aniting big for a petite gal like moi..

Toothbrush?
>>- Oral B

jewelry worn daily?
>>- a ring bought frm HKG and otha frm Jessy gal

what's your favorite color?
>>- Purple

Cologne/Perfume:
>>- hmm.. gotta be Body Shop's White Musk & Victoria Secrets Endless Love

Photos uploaded on you page:
>>- it's all about me & me.. all abt a gal

W H A T A R E Y O U:

Thinking:
>>- wat's right or wrong?

Wanting:
>>- to do the right thing..

The last thing you ate?
>>- Ben & Jerry's Ice-Cream

The last person who called you?
>>- someone

Do you believe in love?:
>>- dat L word... its a crazy word

Do you believe in soul mates?
>>- I do, I do

Do you like seafood?
>>- yup

The last person you text?
>>- him (& i'm still texting him) :p

Do you consider yourself beautiful?
>>- nope.. jus cute

Do you consider yourself a man?
>>- nope.. a boy

Who did you last meet?
>>- him

Who do you turn to?
>>- my inner self

Who are you fond of?
>>- my nephew & niece

Got any plans for the weekend?
>>- the weekend is over. but very much well spent with a great person...

All about a gal...

2007-05-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

What are you doing right now ?
** slacking

2. What were you doing this morning at 6am?
** going back to sleep

3. What were you doing 2 hours ago?
** lying in bed, listening to my hp songs

4. Are you any good at art?
** I'm such a bad artist...

6. Do you have any famous ancestors?
** i dunno

7.Are you mad at anyone right now?
** maybe

8. Do you know the words to the song on your blog profile?
** a lil

9. Last thing received in mail?
** ah, horoscope readings

10. How many different drinks have you had today?
** 2. Ice milo & ice lemon tea

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
** nope...

13. Any plans for tonight?
** nope.. anyone wanna date me out?? haha.. lamer seh

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
** erm.. i dun bother..

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
** can't recall

16. What's outside your front door?
** plants & footwear

17. Do you have plans on Friday night?
** tis coming friday, I'll be stuck at work.. wat plans do i dare make??

18. Do you like the ocean?
** nature are GODs gift...

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
** huh?? they exist, u mean??

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
** wats dat??

22. Something you are excited about?
** haha... ice-cream, chocs, sweets & Whale Teeter Tooter (blue) *grins

23. Who around you has the most problems?
** everyone

24. Are any of your great- grandparents still alive?
** nope...

26. Where do you keep your change?
** my purple colored purse :p

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
** can't recall such scary incidents

28. Do you like anyone right now?
** maybe.... dun ask me 2 spill the beans. My lips are sealed

29. What was the weather like on your birthday?
** last year, i think it was normal...

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
** closed.. talk about privacy...

It's Sunday... is it sunny??

2007-05-20T13:45:00.000+08:00

Do you straighten your hair everyday?
- nope...

What's your favorite girly magazine?
- aniting...

Would you kill for chocolate?
- Kill? erm... maybe...

Jeans or skirts?
- jeans, no doubt

Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?
- no way.... it's all in the comfy wear

Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
- erm... it's wen u dun try "too hard" dat u'll get notice... so jus be urself... it's their lost it they can't see the goodness within... true?

Would you leave the house without makeup on?:
- like duh.. why not?

On a scale of 1-10 how fun is shopping?
- seriously.... way beyond 10...

Are you spoiled?
- spoiled? nope.. independent though

Do you think lipgloss is the best?:
- no way.. i hate that sticky after effects... disgusting

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
- sometimes...

Do you yell a lot?
- hahaha.. depends on when, where & with who...

How long does it take you to get ready?
- i take super long showers but once I'm out of the bathroom, I'm "speed demon". I love showers, playing with water...

Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work?
- are u crazy? if your answer is No, then.. there u go...

Accessories make the outfit; true or false
- sometimes it reali helps to have accessories

do u like skater boys?
- skater boys? yup.. the ones i see on TV during the X-games..

Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe?:
- PINK is a damn girly color.. if u noe me, then u shld noe dat I HATE PINK! it's yucky

Lip gloss a must?:
- nope...

status?
- i dunno...

Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
- as long as i don't compromise my own likings, i guess it's ok... but, why bother to impress...

Do you often wish there was something you could change?
- who doesn't wish for dat? I always had, always will...

Gold or silver?
- as long as they are nice

The guy that you like/love/whatever, what's his name?
- ssshhhh... hush hush....

Do you dress up too much for holidays?
- nope.. I'm a t-shirt jeans kinda gal

Do you like wearing dresses?
- i love dresses.. but I'm a bit too self-conscious...

Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?
- used to...

On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?
- guys are confusing... beyond 10, again

What makeup could you not live w/ out?
- baby powder??

What do you hate right at this moment ?
- i hate "dilemmas"...

Under Rug Swept

2007-05-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

I'm having those moments again. Where situations occured but then come end of the day, it's totally forgotten..

I'm not sure whether I like whats happening.

But I guess it's just you, the lets not talk about attitude. Lets move on and be happy. And at times I'm glad but other times I feel like I need to confront the whole issues.

Come again, I think about it. It's not important, issues or no issues. There are akward moment thanks to yours truly. But then we get drifted in our web of insanity and at those moments, I'm seeing the your-old-self again. I guess what you said was true, our getting to know process was at a time when u weren't so caught up with stuff, so the attention spent was good.

But now, no more bed of roses but, heck, once in awhile getting back into nice, silly, interesting conversations with a friend is what you truly need.

I'm still thinking of that friend who went all reclused oh-so-sudden. GOD works in miraculous ways and he'll show us the way....

2007-05-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

Posted on 13th May

Time check : 0330 (time to hit the showers)

It's the scariest thoughts that hit me as I headed to bed. That very same thoughts that break me. The same thoughts that linger till right this moment....
And here I am thinking I'm stronger and better.
But only to realized I've grown weaker and worser.
Why do I screw things up, ending up with regrets beyond hope?

ME!!

2007-05-13T20:11:00.000+08:00

Posted on 12th May (haha...)

Time check : 2159
Pick up time : 0405 (13th May)
Mood : all cried out.. i supposed.

I did the unthinkable.. hahaha. Suddenly i felt like me in weeks. No keeping quiet. It might just bite me rite back in the behind, but so what?
Sometimes i care too much about what others thought of me. But, why do I worry myself silly? If they can't see the goodness in me, it's their freaking lost.
I'm not gonna get all messed up about it every time, again & again.
Hopeless romantic turns up dead, and winked!!

Forgotten

2007-05-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

Posted on 12th May (just one of those endless ranting days... )

I'm a gal with a BIG HEART!!

But when I said, screw emotions. I don't want it involve.

I actually meant it.

But sometimes, it gets in the way. Dang!

2007-05-13T20:05:00.001+08:00

Posted on 12th May

Again, I find myself asking my silly head this million dollar question...

WHY BOTHER??

WHY BOTHER??

WHY BOTHER??

WHY BOTHER??

Screw it, screw everything.

Hopeless Romantic turned up dead

2007-05-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

Posted on 11th May

That's me... The era that was once me, is dead along with my sanity, my genuine smiles, my heartiest laughters, my warmth touch...

It didn't just happened. I just had that realization. I'm turning cold, starting to open my eyes. See the world through a different light.

Am I happy now? Nope. But, at least I'm not all hung up.

2007-05-13T20:03:00.000+08:00

Posted on 9th May

It's 2330hrs, I should go to bed. That job starts at 0430hrs.. Imagine how much sleep I'll be getting??
Trying to focus. Trying to hold back. Trying to go out on a limb. But why?
Gosh, someone got to me today or should I say just minutes ago. I guess my silences and my bo-chap(ness) was just too much that I couldn't hold back any longer. Will this change things? I dunno?
Then again, I guess everything will be swept under the rug once morning comes. And I'm still trying to figure if dat's a good thing or a bad thing.
So much changes the past couple of weeks. Disappointments were plenty.
Whoever wants to leave, just leave. If you feel like staying, the choice is yours...

Friend....

2007-05-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

Posted on 8th May (pls don't ask why!)

The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If u prick us do we not bleed? If u tickle us do we not laugh? If u poison us do we not die? & if u wrong us shall we not revenge? - William Shakespeare

Assumption

2007-05-13T20:01:00.001+08:00

Posted on 8th May (again!)

If we worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true really is true, then there would be little hope for advance.

- Orville Wright

temporary

2007-05-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

*** This post and the next 8 post was posted on my Friendster blog due to the sickening-neverending problems that blogger is presenting it's blogger. Anyhow, I'm just gonna stick to Blogger, shitty as it is. I pray it returns to normalcy soon.

I'm coming back here cos I guess, I'm addicted to the whole indulgeinmypain id (for now). Haha... I'm in the midst of creating a new blogskin and changing my whole blog ad. I really should make do with a less painful-sounding add. Any suggestions?

So enjoy what you missed.

Posted on 8th May

I found myself back on Friendster Blog, where my passion for blogging started. From here, I had moved on to a couple "greener" blogger network. Unfortunately the reason I'm back here is cos my darling computer is being a bit** and not allowing me to access my account healthily. I'm not sure whats wrong and I've tried the pass couple of days to rectify the problem, but I can't. I need expert help.
OK, so this is my temporary space to vent frustrations, relive joys and to bury disappointments.
Last day at CX ended with a lot of crying eyes. I was a bit drained out from previous days of crying buckets that perhaps, I had lost the ability to cry. *sigh* Gonna miss all those CX peeps, everyone.
Life at my current job, erm... I'm not digging it. Seriously am not! I no longer feel that I Love my job, I'm only working cos I don't wanna run out of ka-chings! Oh, someone rescue me. I wanna be a tai-tai, any rich man interested??
My hand phone been quite a bit**, so I'm about to send it to the "Nokia Medical Clinic"..., today. But I'll still be contactable.
It's about time. Furthermore, I need a closure on a particular area of my life, kinda wipe every memory out.
"The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity - Andre Gide".
I guess now I don't need a reason or explanation. I don't need anything, just the truth shall set your worrying soul free. Do yourself dat lil' favour, can?
Enuf of this random(ness) from me.
Just the start of the week and my ditsy gal factor has soared!! I did a silly blunder last night, which resulted in me struggling to cut open a handbag. Mine you, I didn't steal it OK. It belonged to me and it had almost all my most valuable possessions in it. The bag had a numbered lock which I changed a few minutes before closing it up, then BAM!! The damn bag won't open again!! Argh! Struggled with it, got my mom to struggle with it too. Finally, decided to cut open the bag cos I urgently need everything in the for work. Oh, it was the CX handbag and a gal friend had asked dat I take a pic of dat pathetic looking cut-up bag and blog about it, but I shan't disgrace the property of my former company though I was tempted. So yah, dats my silly act, 12plus in the morning, cutting up a bag and losing important sleep. Never be as silly as me OK. I'm beginning to feel bimbo-tic, but, nah, bimbo must pretty, but I cute... so count me out. Just my ditsy day.
I'm so loving watching the Heroes series, I'm savoring every episode and I get goofily excited when the character Hiro Nakamura comes on screen. What more the T.D character, Mohinder Suresh (hottie, no?). Oh well...
I'm at semi logger-heads with my cat Bo. I'm pissed cos he tried scratching my face the other day. The reason being, my mom saw a smaller cuter cat lingering on the 3rd floor the other day and she called out to me. This smaller cuter cat was so adorable. I started playing with it, Bo saw it, and trust me, I've never heard him growled before and he sounded scary! He was jealous that I was affectionately stroking a smaller cuter cat and tried to scratch the cat, so i had to bring the kitty away from my old cat. When I got back to him, I scolded him about his unfriendly behavior, he looked at me and went for my face, oh trust me, had i not good reflexes this cute face would have been scarred!! ARGH!!I'm still pissed at him, I don't care.. he don't care... Haha... Love-hate, relationships. I dig them! :p
OK, enough of this long super scattered post. I feel relieved! Finally, able to get almost everything out of my system.

Brianstorm - Arctic Monkeys

2007-05-12T22:43:00.000+08:00

The only reason I'm posting is cos I'm sooo freaking ADDICTED to the song you hearing on my blog.

Oh yes, blame it on TV Mobile. Cos everytime i get on a bus, the song it's playing. It became a daily intake, now I'm freaking addicted.

I love it...

I suggest you turn off the volume of your speakers or exit from my blog. See you have a choice. And the 3rd being, you can, like me, immerse yourself and get addicted to this catchy little song. I think this shall be my themesong, for now.

It's so catchy and I can't stop moving to it. I keep feeling like jumpping on my feet and dance dance dance...

Oh well, blogger is still a BITCH.. find me at that link i posted...

P.S. People, are you addicted yet??

I Knew

2007-05-11T12:58:00.001+08:00

They say that you never know what you have until you lose it. This is not true, you know what you have; losing it is what makes you appreciate it.

temporary move...

2007-05-09T13:50:00.000+08:00

The only thing I can do on Blogger now is to edit my template.. To blog is tough, the function buttons are all screwed up!!

So till Blogger cleans up their act, click the link below...

http://farrafina.blogs.friendster.com/beautiful_disaster/

but i'll be back.. dats only temporary...

2007-05-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

There is no path to truth, it must come to you. Truth can come to you only when your mind and heart are simple, clear, and there is love in your heart; not ifyour heart is filled with the things of the mind.

- J. Krishnamurti

2007-05-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

The theory is that you will learn a lot
of little known facts about those who
know you.

1. Start Time: 2030hrs
2. Name: Farrafina
3. Nickname: too many
4. Astrology sign: Virgo
5. Gender: Female
7. Hair color: naturally brown
8. Eye color: black (oh wateva)
9. Height: cute
10. Favorite color: purple
11. Glasses: Polo Ralph
13. tattoos: none
14. Birthplace: KK Hospital
15. Area code: country code, can?
16. friends: close to my heart

******HAVE YOU EVER*****
17. cut your own hair?: doubt so
18. Done something in the past
regret? : who hasn't? jus gotta learn
from it, no doubt
19. Have you ever met someone you were
not supposed to?: yes
21. Skipped school? : *grins
22. Bungee jumped? : nope
24. Punched someone? : hmmm
25. Cheated on someone? : NO
26. Been arrested?: Nope
27. Broken into someones house? I'm no
criminal
28. Been to a funeral?: Yup
32. Used a lighter? : Yup

*****FAVORITE*****
34. Season: Autumn
36. Ice cream flavor: choc chip
37. School subject(s) : English
38. Candy: anyting
39. Breakfast: usually skip them
40. Juice: mango
41. Book(s): aniting from John Grisham
& Paulo Coelho
42. Movie(s): too many
43. Song(s): too many

50. Letter(s): F
51. Favorite fast food
restaurant : LJS
52. Disney Princess: Belle (character
in Beauty & the Beast)
53. TV station: ?
54. Name for a son: --
54. Name for a daugter: --

******DO YOU PREFER*****
56. Chocolate or Vanilla? : Vanilla
ice-cream, everything else, Choc
57. Alcoholic or not? : No
60. Scary movies or comedies?: Both
61. Short or long hair? : Long?
62. Croutons or bacon bits? : say wat??

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO
MIND******
64. Mexicans in general: are hot?
65. School: fun
66. Grass: green
67. Cow: mooo
68. Canada: faraway
69. Mouse: useful
70. Hands: soft

******THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU******
71. Watched a movie?: yup
72. Talked on the phone? hours ago
73. Cried? : yes
74. Choked?: Nope
75. Drank a glass of water: yup
76. Done Drugs?: NOPE!!
77. Read a book or magazine? mag
78. Watched TV? : uh huh
79. Looked in the mirror?: yeah yeah
80. Taken a shower?: of course..
everyday for dat matter
81. Taken a picture? : yes
82. Listened to music? : yup
83. Kissed someone?: yes.. the kiddos
84. Told someone you liked them?
erm... nope

85: End time: 2034

How To Touch A Girl

2007-05-04T18:45:00.000+08:00

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside

Do you feel something happening?
Could this be for real?
I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl
- Jojo

Ok, so it's a nice song. Kinda stuck in my head the whole day cos it played quite a number of times the whole morning as i sat looking lost as i desperately tried to fix my hp.

So please don't put too much thought in this lil' entry.

It's just a freaking song.

Stop asking me questions I can't answer.

A phase of emotional detachment...

Expectation and Disapointment

2007-05-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

When you realize your expectations are selfish, then you'll know whom to blame your disappointments on.

Horoscope for Friday, 4th April

2007-05-04T18:23:00.000+08:00

Annoying situations that arise in connection with whatever you do today could have you feeling stressed out. A sudden desire to escape might spread through your mind. Take care not to work out your frustrations by overindulging in food or drink, as this could only make the situation worse. Focus on the tasks at hand and get them done. Follow that with a long walk to clear your head and a movie to get your mind off it all.

The storm has passed and my HP is back to its old self. Reason for the dying act it did throughout last night and this morning was, SIM card problem!! Gosh, what a terrible experience. So, safe to say, all my contacts in my phone memory weren't affected, still very much intact as I changed only the SIM card earlier!!
Lucky me. But, I've done a back-up for all my contacts. The thought of my HP just dying permanently and me being left handicap with no contacts, what a nightmare!!

The day hasn't been well. The handphone sickening act and some other stuffs. A freaking emotional day, argh... cried like sooo many times. Just so frustrated with a lot of other things. I'm really tired of the waiting game. Really.

I wanna gt away... far far far far far AWAY!!!!

HANGED!

2007-05-04T09:19:00.000+08:00

My hand phone is being a f*cking BITCH!!!!

It keeps hanging on me! Every time I get it going again, a few seconds later, it shutdowns and restarts on its own! WTF!! It kinda like have a life of its own. *spooky*

You know whats the best thing, all my contacts are in my PHONE memory.. I've got none store in my SIM card. I dunno what to do. I'll be so freaking lost if I send my hp for servicing without saving the contacts....

Feeling so frustrated and someone is being such an unconcern jacka*s. Irritating!!
Why bother hanging around, just F***K OFF!!!! Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh.

I'm pissed and very frustrated!!

A $20 bill

2007-05-03T09:35:00.000+08:00

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,

"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special- Don't EVER forget it."